crazy_ramblings (crazy_ramblings) wrote in thedmz,

A programme for France

I love France. I love the food. I love the wine. I love the art. To sit across from Notre Dame and have a croissant and a chocolate at 10AM on a cold wet November morning is one of the great joys of my life. The Louvre. The Mus�e d'Orsay. The Berthillon Ice Cream that makes Ben and Jerry's taste like low grade dog food. The Luxembourg Gardens. Playing p�tanque with total strangers in front of St Germain de Auxerre. The Canard Roti aux olives vertes at Chez Allard. Edith Piaf. The Rue Mouffetard street market on Wednesday's, when you can get an enormous plate of choucroute garnie to eat in the gardens of St. Metard. Watching the butcher skin a rabbit for a waiting grand-m�re. The fact you can get 12 varieties of oysters, all delicious. Champagne for God's sake. Colette. George Sand. Francois Villon. Impressionism. Name any cheese. I love France.

But the French are despicable: This is a country that is so pompous and hypocritical that it can presume to lecture us on things like civil rights when they deny any presumption of innocence as a matter of course. They will poo poo our foreign policy while quietly invading former colonies like Chad at the drop of a hat. That will sniff at our CO2 emissions while blithely depending on nuclear power for almost all its electricity. It is a country that is appalled by our death penalty but has actual FASCISTS as its third most popular political party. And look at how they supported Iraq!
I hate the French.

French people are what makes enjoying France so difficult. I am thinking about those nuclear bombs that kill the people, without destroying the monuments. But we could even do without: Just threaten them to invade, and maybe they will do what the English army did when Germans invaded France, run to the sea, take any boat available, and get lost or drown in the sea.

OK, kidding aside, here is my program for when we finally decide to deal with France, the main block that still prevents us from finally fulfilling our destiny as a nation of civilisation, peace and democracy.

The main point to France's existence is: its food, and its cosmetic industry, including perfumes. High technology, services, including its hotel chains, are merely competing with ours, and should be integrated with our companies and their leadership changed. France should be turned into a demilitarised agrarian state, with some tourist industries. The French military are not necessary to France's existence as a nation, as they are only used in the last remnants of the French empire, especially Africa. If we want France's influence in the third-world to diminish, we have to cut back in its army. Second, as told before, France is unique for its food and cosmetics (and also its classy modish haute-couture). This specialization should be emphasized, and its other firms integrated with ours, anyway, they stand no chance of survival in the long-term. Another benefit of making of France an agrarian state is that it would cut into its factory worker population, which are the pillars of the communists and far-right parties.

Another of our priorities will be to teach the French some standards of decency and cleanliness. Clean thought cannot arise in filthy bodies, the French bodies should be cleansed.
They should not be allowed to own dogs, because they let them shit on the sidewalks, and they should be distributed soap and condoms. Condoms will help curtail on the rate of reproduction in that wicked race, while letting them indulge in their immoral sexual habits (I am thinking about the Quartier du Marais homosexuals) French women should be allowed only one child, so that the French population steadily diminishes. You think this is extreme? Well, the Chinese, impose this to their OWN population, why shouldn't we impose this on ANOTHER population?

France has got important black and Muslim minorities. They are a big influence on its policies, and should be sent back to Africa. We cannot allow a western country to be so heavily influenced by ideas which have no western heritage. France also gains much influence by letting people from those countries come study in its universities. This will have to stop. French people are cowards, and are frightened by their minorities, witness the success of Le Pen, the fascist who claims he will protect the French from Muslims. We cannot get rid of the French so easily as of its minorities, so lets get rid of its minorities, and the French will stop doing stupid things just to please its Muslims and blacks.

We will have to get rid of the French intellectual elites, which are heavily anti-Semitic and racist. Gaullists should be dealt with, we will get rid of Socialists, communists and fascists will have to leave, and the moderate are useless. We will rely on the Franco-Jewish minority, which is surprisingly strong in France, but always has been oppressed (witness the Dreyfus affair), to govern the country. This will allow the improve France's relations with Israel, which are very bad.

We may get some problems when we deal with the factory workers of France, as those people were the only ones to resist to the nazis, but in the last 50 years, those have become a tiny minority of the French population, most of the French are employed in the service industries, and are very effeminate. We will have to be very wary of French women, though, as those are usually more courageous than its men. They may try to use charms and artifice to infiltrate our armies and lead our leaders astray. In order to avoid this, we will have to cut their hair short and otherwise make them look hideous.

This is my program for the New France: protect France's unique cultural heritage, improve its relations with us, make of it a more welcoming country, in short, make France stronger by encouraging what is already strong in France, and getting rid of things of the past. I just want to make history go a bit faster, so that France and the US finally reunite.
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